I'm not one for reaching...but can I stay here?

I'm scared. I'm freaking out. I'm trying not to. Really. I give it a valiant effort. But I am finding it very difficult. I'm trying to trust. I'm trying to just live in Today and worry only about Today and not think about Tomorrow. Something that I usually have a good handle on.

But not today. I am in panic mode. I don't want to be. I don't like it.

I'm trying to trust the he has everything under control. However, it's hard when you know something and do believe it in your head but it's not connecting with your heart. It's hard when someone is telling you that an all knowing, all powerful being wants, wants as in completely desires to fulfill all of your needs and yet the one thing that you really need to be taken care of at this moment in time, is not being taking care. It's hard to trust that bit of information that is being told you. You ask and ask and try and yet for whatever reason still come up empty-handed. It's hard when everything around you seems to be crumbling and out of control even though the One is supposed to have everything under control. It's hard to trust in that control when the need is great. It's hard to believe that you will be given what is needed for the day when one thing that was needed yesterday didn't come yesterday. He never said it would be easy. But at times it feels impossible. I am in panic mode. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to rest in the knowledge of outside control. I surrendered my day but as it comes to a close I can feel the panic reset. I can feel the uncertainty of tomorrow creep in. It's stifling. It suffocates. I'm trying to breathe. All I feel is failure.

But you see through my forever lies
And you are not believing
And I see in your forever eyes
That you are forever healing

You can't hear what I'm not saying
And I can hold out long enough
Treading water I keep from sinking
I'm not one for reaching

Deny myself, deny my heart
Deny your hand, deny your help
and you offer me eternity
but why should I buy that? - Jars of Clay

Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide- Jars of Clay

Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced affections
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I've been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You

Can I stay here forever
Here with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth

Can I be here forever
Here with You?
Can I know what it's like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You- Starfield