Is there a such thing as being beyond repair?

Somebody's Getting Married...

I just wanted to announce that I am engaged. To a song.

This song. And here's with 4 people:-)

I could listen to it forever. It's not the lyrics that make it beyond fantastic, it's the cannon. It's the culmination right before the end. It's the meshing of voices cause it's kinda harmony but not since they sing at different times. It makes my heart fly. :sigh:

I'll be sending out invitations to the wedding shortly.

Oh wait nevermind...we're married. Thanks for coming. ^_^

Standin' Cold and Scared on Top of Blue Hill

Change.

In a word, it's a bitch.

Well, it can be. It can also be wonderful. Depending on the direction it's taking. Because not all change is good or bad or healthy. The one thing that is a constant is that change is inevitable. You can't avoid it even if you tried really hard. Like by living in a cave somewhere in the mountains but see the weather would change. Eventually your body would change as you got older or depending on your physical activity or lack there of. Change is happening all the time.

But I'm not really eluding to the stuff that "we know" will happen. I'm talking about the stuff no one ever really plans for. The things that sometimes make life come into perspective. That help open your eyes. That makes life worth living. That makes you wonder why you're alive. That makes you wish you weren't. That makes you pray the end of the day will bring about hope. THAT change is the change I'm talking about. The kind you secretly dread because things are finally starting to turn around. The kind that you know must happen if things are gonna get better. The kind that forces you to do things so you can breathe again even if the end result is not what you really want. The kind that makes your face light up with anticipation. The kind that invites the unknown. The kind that renews life.

Change is scary. Change is beautiful. Change is heartbreaking.

I can't wait for things to change.

It only takes one mistake...

A screaming man falls to his knees
His broken heart, inflicts the pain
He's withdrawn, no one knows his name
One mistake, now he's lost in shame

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

Yes it's true, that someone cares
Your perfect friend, never leaving you
Strength is gone and you're feeling cold
You will know the truth that He told

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

By Your grace You repair the broken pieces within
Somehow You take a man and make something more out of him

Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And He feels your troubled heart

- Troubled Heart- Kutless

I'm not one for reaching...but can I stay here?

I'm scared. I'm freaking out. I'm trying not to. Really. I give it a valiant effort. But I am finding it very difficult. I'm trying to trust. I'm trying to just live in Today and worry only about Today and not think about Tomorrow. Something that I usually have a good handle on.

But not today. I am in panic mode. I don't want to be. I don't like it.

I'm trying to trust the he has everything under control. However, it's hard when you know something and do believe it in your head but it's not connecting with your heart. It's hard when someone is telling you that an all knowing, all powerful being wants, wants as in completely desires to fulfill all of your needs and yet the one thing that you really need to be taken care of at this moment in time, is not being taking care. It's hard to trust that bit of information that is being told you. You ask and ask and try and yet for whatever reason still come up empty-handed. It's hard when everything around you seems to be crumbling and out of control even though the One is supposed to have everything under control. It's hard to trust in that control when the need is great. It's hard to believe that you will be given what is needed for the day when one thing that was needed yesterday didn't come yesterday. He never said it would be easy. But at times it feels impossible. I am in panic mode. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to rest in the knowledge of outside control. I surrendered my day but as it comes to a close I can feel the panic reset. I can feel the uncertainty of tomorrow creep in. It's stifling. It suffocates. I'm trying to breathe. All I feel is failure.

But you see through my forever lies
And you are not believing
And I see in your forever eyes
That you are forever healing

You can't hear what I'm not saying
And I can hold out long enough
Treading water I keep from sinking
I'm not one for reaching

Deny myself, deny my heart
Deny your hand, deny your help
and you offer me eternity
but why should I buy that? - Jars of Clay

Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide- Jars of Clay

Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced affections
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I've been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You

Can I stay here forever
Here with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth

Can I be here forever
Here with You?
Can I know what it's like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You- Starfield

Noodle, use your noodle, noodle, do the noodle dance

The brain is a fascinating and probably the most mysterious organ in the body.

It is probably the one organ that we have the least amount of information about regarding usage, aliments, potential etc. Nobody's brain works the same. I mean basic functionality wise, we're all on the same level but other than that everyone's brain is unique. Our brain dictates our personalities, how we handle situations, how we process information, how we communicate etc. It's just amazing. Neurological issues are the most controversial, I think as far as, how can one really tell? You're not in that person's head, you don't know what goes on, how they see the world, what experiences they replay and how those have shaped who they are today. Unless you're telepathic, then how do we really know?

We know how to fix certain things in the brain. But only physical things like tumors, aneurysms, blood clots, re-attaching nerves, isolating a part of the brain that may be causing problems and removing it. We know how to do that but it is very delicate work because the brain is also the most delicate organ in many ways. I mean we have a 7.1mm (6.5 for men) encasing around it with no huge gaps like with a rib cage or anything. That's pretty hardcore. It's also mentally as far as being influenced. Certain images can be burned into someone's memory and that image has the potential to forever change that person. That's craziness ya know? How does that work though? How can someone who's walking around fine one minute and then the next they witness something that forces them to shut down and they become catatonic?

We don't know exactly how the brain works cognitively. We don't know for sure how memories are made, we know what kinds there are but not how. We don't know what exactly causes disorder's such as depression, Asperger's, social anxiety, schizophrenia or Alzheimer's. We don't know any of that information. We know that depression or ADHD have to do with neuro-receptors and chemical imbalances but we don't know what causes misfirings and these imbalances. We don't know exactly what causes someone to lose complete recognition of their surroundings, time or loved ones. What exactly causes someone to hallucinate? We don't know. It blows my mind. It's hard to see someone completely glaze over and not respond right away to a stimulus and not know where they went. It's even harder to watch someone slowly lose themselves. Right now, I have a neighbor who suffers from dementia. It's scary and sad. We'll be having a conversation and would have discussed the same piece of information multiple times within 10 minutes. The other day she didn't recognize, Dani (who has lived on this block her whole life) and didn't know that Jake, 3 yrs. old, was Dani's son. :sigh: It's unreal sometimes, to think that one day someone who you knew was just fine, won't know who you are someday. It's unreal.

The brain is a scary place but it holds so much mystery. The intricacies of everything.... it just further convinces me that a higher power is responsible for the existence of the human race and the world it lives in.

Yesterday
Once again
I fell down and broke a friend
Words were said
Out of place
and I hope that it's not too late
To right this wrong
Cause I was wrong

I struck the match
and I burned the bridge
and I'm to blame for all of it
I lost your trust
When I drew my sword
This distance is my just reward
Can I undo the damage done

damage done

Couldn't sleep
Part of me
Was crying out from hurtin' you
So afraid
You would say
There is nothing I can do
To right this wrong
'cause I was wrong

I struck the match
and I burned the bridge
and I'm to blame for all of it
I lost your trust
When I drew my sword
This distance is my just reward
Can I undo the damage done

damage done

Listen friend
I must confess
You deserve more
and I gave you less
as It tears me up
That I let you down
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

'cause I struck the match
and I burned the bridge
and I'm to blame for all of it
I lost your trust
When I drew my sword
This distance is my just reward
Can I undo the damage done

- "Damage Done" Shaun Groves